Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.
Stephen ColbertTruthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
Stephen ColbertThe goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about.
Stephen ColbertI believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Stephen ColbertScience attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. Thatโs right, โwaste.โ I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen ColbertThe interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? Iโve always liked that phrase โHe was visited by grief,โ because thatโs really what it is. Grief is its own thing. Itโs not like itโs in me and Iโm going to deal with it. Itโs a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
Stephen Colbert