Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist.

We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.