Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

There's a buzz to failing and not dying.

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

A press that has validity is a press that has authority. And as soon as there's any authority to what the press says, you question the authority of the government - it's like the existence of another authority.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.