Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

One day,I might be able to tell my grandkids I interviewed the last president of the United States.