Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.

I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.