A press that has validity is a press that has authority. And as soon as there's any authority to what the press says, you question the authority of the government - it's like the existence of another authority.

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

You have to do your First Penance before your First Holy Communion. You're really young. What do you know? You've got nothing to confess. All I knew was that I was an evil human whose sins caused the death of our Lord.