Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

You've gotta understand what Putin's strategy is. He really doesn't like democracy. He thinks it's an inconvenient, messy process. And he doesn't like us, and he wants to destabilize our country; sow doubt about our democracy.

There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.

First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.