Republicans: the party that brought us 'Just Say No.' First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform.
Stephen ColbertAfter obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
Stephen ColbertJohn Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.
Stephen ColbertWe have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.
Stephen ColbertI welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.
Stephen Colbert