I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. ... This past weekend, Al Gore's movie, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' earned more per screen than any film in the country. ... I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history. ... Global warming: Can we live with it? ... It is time we did something, namely resign ourselves to doing nothing [on screen: Follow Congress' Lead]. ... For instance, when sea levels rise, we'll just build levees [on screen: Worked for New Orleans]

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.