We are divided between those who think with their heads and those who know with their heart. Consider Harriet Miers. If you think about Harriet Miers, of course her nomination is absurd. But the President didn't say he thought about his selection. He said this: "I know her heart." Notice how he said nothing about her brain? He didn't have to. He feels the truth about Harriet Miers.
Stephen ColbertTV's Tony Snow becomes the White House press secretary. How will he make the difficult transition from Fox News reporter to Republican apologist? ... Mr. President, it is time to hire the folks who've never let you down. Limbaugh at Health and Human Services. Hannity at State. Then give Rummy the Medal of Freedom and install Bill O'Reilly as secretary of defense. Only problem, you might find yourself invading Vermont. And I'll replace Chertoff at Homeland Security. The man's done nothing to control the bear population.
Stephen ColbertSo if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen ColbertGlobal warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
Stephen ColbertThe interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? Iโve always liked that phrase โHe was visited by grief,โ because thatโs really what it is. Grief is its own thing. Itโs not like itโs in me and Iโm going to deal with it. Itโs a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
Stephen ColbertIn 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.
Stephen Colbert