Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.

Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella.

It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

I am no fan of books.