Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.

But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.