This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ