This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.

I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.