Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!

And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.

If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.

Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.

The goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

A lot of people have said, "Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away."