Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza; and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

To all the worryworts out there who said super PACs were going to lead to a cabal of billionaires secretly buying democracy: wrong! They are publicly buying democracy.

Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.