Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza; and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.