As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu.

Citizens United said that transparency would be the disinfectant, but (c)(4)'s are warm, wet, moist incubators. There is no disinfectant.

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.