Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!

The more you know, the sadder you get.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

Now you'll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.