If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate

History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?

If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.