(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.

I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.