Bill Moyers is everything I never aspire to be: Calm, Thoughtful, and Informative.

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

I used to play a narcissistic-conservative pundit. Now, I'm just a narcissist.

Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.