Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.
Stephen ColbertDestroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
Stephen ColbertIf I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.
Stephen ColbertScience attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. Thatโs right, โwaste.โ I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen Colbert