A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?

President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory

Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.