And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

I love making observations. That one is a classic example.

I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.

Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.