Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.

The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.

Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!

As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.