You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu.

Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.

People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.