Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.