Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.

I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.

Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.