Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

'Sympathy for the Devil' is just another way of saying 'Compassionate Conservative'.

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."

We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.