You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?

Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.