If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.

It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.