If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.

Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

I love making observations. That one is a classic example.