If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.

I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.