Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.