Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!

Hatemongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh's, John Gibson's, and Bill O'Reilly's and make them offensive by posting them on the Internet, allowing the general public to hear words that were meant for people who already agree with us. Hey, Media Matters, you want to end offensive speech? Then stop recording it for people who would be offended.

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?

I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.

North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'