I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.

Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.

I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your actor's work. I'm damn proud of my ability to help other people achieve their ideas.

NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.

Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.