If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist.

(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.