If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.