One day,I might be able to tell my grandkids I interviewed the last president of the United States.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.

As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu.

Baby carrots are making me gay.

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.