History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.

The goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about.

Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!

I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black 'at' people. I didn't just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet.

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.