It's clear that when we're this outnumbered by the creatures, we have to take a page from the British Empire and rule the lesser species through intimidation. That's why the single most important thing you can do as a human is to dominate an animal. Need more proof?Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. I'd say that about covers it.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.