I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.

I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change; my opinion never does.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.

The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.

Bill Moyers is everything I never aspire to be: Calm, Thoughtful, and Informative.