Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.

I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.

Take it from me, there's nothing like a job well done, except the quiet enveloping darkness at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam after a job done any way at all.

I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.

I scream, you scream, we all scream... for the truth.