Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.

Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.

Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.