Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.

The more you know, the sadder you get.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.

If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.

There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.