Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.

I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change; my opinion never does.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.