Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.

If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

Any religion whose messiah’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word can’t be that much of a threat.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.

Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.