Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.

There was sort of a negative association with the military. Maybe growing up in the South or being in a family with members of the military, I didn't have that negative connotation, but I did have this 'separate' connotation. I was ashamed to realize I had it and did not realize I had it until I was [in Iraq]. I was so impressed by the people I met over there and there was just a sense of connection and gratitude towards those people.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.