So what? A lobbyist cheated Indian tribes out of $25 million then laundered their money through phony Christian charities trying to stop other Indian tribes from getting casinos [on screen: 'Thou Shalt Not Compete'] and bribe congressmen in the process. Know what I call that? I call that business as usual in Washington. [on screen: 'Screwing Indians']

Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.

What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?

Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.