I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.
Stephen ColbertYou have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
Stephen ColbertIf you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
Stephen ColbertCardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
Stephen ColbertYou cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!
Stephen ColbertThanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
Stephen Colbert