I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment.

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.

Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?