So what? A lobbyist cheated Indian tribes out of $25 million then laundered their money through phony Christian charities trying to stop other Indian tribes from getting casinos [on screen: 'Thou Shalt Not Compete'] and bribe congressmen in the process. Know what I call that? I call that business as usual in Washington. [on screen: 'Screwing Indians']
Stephen ColbertI've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen ColbertSo if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen ColbertTexas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
Stephen ColbertImprovisation in general is good, and improvising material into themes, turning the material into something codified and repeatable, taught me scenic structure and dramatic gambits that work and things that are appealing both as a performer and an audience member, like you know, what does "want" really mean in a scene, and how do you achieve your want, and how is that expressed, and how do you achieve closure? Those are all things that I learned performing at the cabaret after just doing the same scenes over and over and over again over the years, with my own ability to change.
Stephen Colbert