I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies

Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!