Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.

It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?

You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.

You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?