There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.

Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'