Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.