Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.

Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy.

I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.