Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel.

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.

I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.

I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.