Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella.

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.