If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.

Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.

As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.

The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)